Month: July 2008

Ladies And Gentleman, The Joker Is Real, And This Is He

 

Mad destroyer of all that is decent in society, a true sociopath....
Mad destroyer of all that is decent in society, a true sociopath....

Link.

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Al Gore Admits We’re All Doomed

 

No greater love does a father have than he would so sacrifice his hitherto unknown son or something....
No greater love does a father have than he would so sacrifice his hitherto unknown son or something....

Former vice president Al Gore—who for the past three decades has unsuccessfully attempted to warn humanity of the coming destruction of our planet, only to be mocked and derided by the very people he has tried to save—launched his infant son into space Monday in the faint hope that his only child would reach the safety of another world.

“I tried to warn them, but the Elders of this planet would not listen,” said Gore, who in 2000 was nearly banished to a featureless realm of nonexistence for promoting his unpopular message. “They called me foolish and laughed at my predictions. Yet even now, the Midwest is flooded, the ice caps are melting, and the cities are rocked with tremors, just as I foretold. Fools! Why didn’t they heed me before it was too late?”

Al Gore—or, as he is known in his own language, Gore-Al—placed his son, Kal-Al, gently in the one-passenger rocket ship, his brow furrowed by the great weight he carried in preserving the sole survivor of humanity’s hubristic folly.

“There is nothing left now but to ensure that my infant son does not meet the same fate as the rest of my doomed race,” Gore said. “I will send him to a new planet, where he will, I hope, be raised by simple but kindly country folk and grow up to be a hero and protector to his adopted home.”

As the rocket soared through the Gore estate’s retractable solar-paneled roof—installed three years ago to save energy and provide emergency rocket-launch capability in the event that Gore’s campaign to save Earth was unsuccessful—the onetime presidential candidate and his wife, Tipper, stood arm-in-arm, nobly facing their end while gazing up in stoic dignity at the receding rocket, the ecosystem already beginning to collapse around them.

In the final moments before the Earth’s destruction, Gore expressed hope that his son would one day grow up to carry on his mission by fighting for truth, justice, and the American way elsewhere in the universe, using his Earth-given superpowers to become a champion of the downtrodden and a reducer of carbon emissions across the galaxy.

“Perhaps he will succeed where I have failed,” Gore said.

Despite the child’s humble beginnings, experts predict the intergalactic journey may have some extraordinary effects on Kal-Al’s physique, eyesight, and, potentially, his powers of quiet, sensible persuasion.

“On his new planet, Kal-Al’s Earth physiology will react to the radiation of a differently colored sun, causing him to develop abilities far beyond those of mortal men,” political analyst Sig Schuster said. “He will be faster than a speeding Prius, stronger than the existing Superfund program, and able to leap mountains of red tape in a single bound. These superpowers will sustain him in his never-ending battle against conservatives, wealthy industrialists, and other environmental supervillains.”

Although Gore and his wife voiced regrets that they could not accompany their son on his journey, they tried their best to equip Kal-Al for life on his new planet, providing the infant with a Keynote slide-show presentation of all human knowledge, a self-growing crystal fortress from which to monitor glacier shrinkage, and a copy of Al Gore’s 1992 bestseller, Earth In The Balance.

The baby was also wrapped in a blanket emblazoned with the Gore family crest, which, because it is made of Earth materials, will be invulnerable on the new planet. It is hoped that one day it will be fashioned into a colorful costume for the boy to wear while fighting wrongdoers.

“In brightly hued tights, it will be harder for people there to ignore him when he takes on his new planet’s lobbyists, auto manufacturers, and enemies of justice,” Schuster said. “A bold and eye-catching unitard will give Kal-Al, last son of Earth, a formidable tool for protecting his new planet, a power more awesome than any his father could have dreamed of: the power of charisma.” 

Link.

Why Everyone Hates The MSM And, By The Way, President McCain Thinks You’re Even Dumber Than He Is

The classic centrist arguement is that if both the lefties and righties hate you it must because you’re fair or balanced.

But the opposite may also be true: The ineptitude of the MSM press is so complete that the lack of respect for it is encompasses so much of the spectrum.

But a single example is its love affair for President McCain. No one in their right mind could honestly claim that predominant MSM meme in its coverage is anyway objective or does any sort of service for the electorate which, you know, pretty much was the purpose of journalism, not being water carriers for a corrupt establishment, which is to say Our Leaders.

This shows the corruption of the MSM, the contempt President McCain has for you that he and his people lie to you with such impunity, and that the MSM enables that impunity:

Before Ron Fournier returned to The Associated Press in March 2007, the veteran political reporter had another professional suitor: John McCain’s presidential campaign. 

In October 2006, the McCain team approached Fournier about joining the fledgling operation, according to a source with knowledge of the talks. In the months that followed, said a source, Fournier spoke about the job possibility with members of McCain’s inner circle, including political aides Mark Salter, John Weaver and Rick Davis. 

Salter, who remains a top McCain adviser, said in an e-mail toPolitico that Fournier was considered for “a senior advisory role” in communications. 

“He did us the courtesy of considering the offer before politely declining it,” Salter said. 

He added that Fournier was an attractive target because of his knowledge about the political process, not because of his ideological or partisan leanings. Salter says he still does not know what, if any, those are. 

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So: we are to believe that the president feels to need for important aides to actually support him, just to be… what?… unprincipled whores?

The End Of Legal Abortion Birth Control

From the people who brought you the Terri Schiavo spectacle, the stem-cell research stalemate and the atrocious waste of tax money on abstinence-only sex education that has been shown not to work, comes a sequel: a proposal to redefine abortion to include some of the most common forms of birth control, and to potentially penalize with funding cuts hundreds of thousands of doctors, hospitals and other health care providers who expect their employees to give women full reproductive care.

***

The draft regulation would redefine abortion to include “any of the various procedures — including the prescription, dispensing and administration of any drug or the performance of any procedure or any other action — that results in the termination of the life of a human being in utero between conception and natural birth, whether before or after implantation.”

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